trapped.

i started a post yesterday about how I was "in a funk" but I never got a chance to finish it.

that's ok, because today the funk is gone... but yesterday was still supremely awful

First there was the whole "I feel ugly today" thing. I just had one of those days where I didn't feel cute.
Then my dad came home and I helped him replace Geoff's ridiculously worn out brake pads. when were done, we took a ride in Fiona.
I got home and took a shower (I had been in the garage) but I got a text from Jacob: it was 7:20 and he was still in gainesville. :(
Well, I continued getting ready (my hair looked really good after that... too bad only my dad and Geoff got to see it)
And after I was totally ready, Jacob called. He was still in Gainesville, and didn't think we'd get to hang out. :(
Well of course that bummed me out, so I wanted to invite one of my friends over to get my mind off of it, but my dad said no.
WELL, I told Jacob that I got off work at 8 on Sunday, so maybe I would see him at the fireworks. This would be the absolute last chance to see each other before we both go on vacation. We are both leaving on Wednesday, and I'll be gone for 10 days, but he'll be gone for 2 and a half weeks. DAMN!
Come to find out a little later, that the fireworks show is on the 3rd this year (really? no fireworks because it's Sunday? that's just ridiculous. It's not like fireworks include a clusterfuck.)
Well, I asked for the 4th off. I'm working until CLOSE on the 3rd. Which means not only do I miss the fireworks for the 3rd year in a row because of fucking zaxbys, but I don't get to see Jacob before we leave.

I just absolutely burst into tears when I found out. I felt SO stupid. I asked for the 4th off without even checking which night the fireworks are. I feel like I'm being sucked into a black hole and I can't get out no matter what I try. (Zaxby's is the black hole, FYI)

And I know that the thing about Jacob doesn't sound like a really big deal... and I guess it's not.
It's just that this summer everything was supposed to kind of come together.
And it's not working.
And I feel stuck with that too.

I don't know what to do with myself anymore.
I guess all I can do is keep working and hope I don't work myself to death before vacation.
(I'm working approx 29 hours in the next 3 days.)