Assurance

I'm still here. Don't be alarmed!

I haven't written anything in a very long time, and I apologize. I just got out of the habit of typing up a new blog every night while I was out of town, and I never really got back INTO the habit, which was critical.

But maybe now that my parents bought me A NEW LAPTOP (!!!!) I will be able to keep up with it more. YAY!

It's my first laptop.
It's amazing.
I love it. :D

Of course, I don't get, like, ANYTHING for my 18th birthday. This is my present, I just got it a couple months early, pretty much.

I was at work the day after I got it, and I was all excited, so I told a few of my co-workers, but immediately felt uncomfortable about it. I don't want to seem like a spoiled rich girl (because, trust me, I'm FAR from it), but I realized that it may seem like that to some of my esteemed chicken colleagues.
A lot of them are adults, and working in a fastfood restaurant trying to scrape by and pay their bills (I hear them talking about it quite a bit, and I don't think it will ever cease to upset me when I hear adults worry about money). So when I say "My parents bought me a laptop"... I just don't want anyone to get the wrong impression about what my life is really like.

I don't know what made me think of that.

ANYWAY! On a happier note, I might go to the RODEO on friday night. How fun would that be!? It's one of those things I love about a small town. Random rodeo? Sounds great! let's go. I told Stephanie that she was coming with me, but she didn't seem excited enough, and I was reallly disappointed. I don't know... I'm excited because I used to go wheen I was more heavily involved in the horse world and it's kind of spontaneous (i just saw one of those random signs that are everywhere and texted steph to tell her we're going) and it's something different.
It's not just another trip to Fieldstone to watch a movie. It's not another slumber party where we play Just Dance until the den is a good 30 degrees hotter than the rest of my house.

But whatever. If she decides not to go, Grayson might. And if he can't go... then I guess I'm just SOL.

OMG! I just realized that it's 3 in the morning. My alarm is set for, like, 10 because I actually wanted to get stuff done tomorrow. Haha, looks like that's not gonna happen.

GOODNIGHT!!

Breakdown of my Summer

Well summer is officially over, so I guess it's time to put this carefree feeling behind me and focus on ... schoolwork.

Here's how my summer went. In list form. Which instantly means logic. I learned that today.

number of fireflies caught: 1



number of days on the beach: 2



number of sunburns: 2



number of slumber parties: 7



number of times skinny-dipped: 1





number of hours inside zaxbys: COUNTLESS





number of parties attended: 4





number of pounds lost: 13





number of pounds gained back: 9



number of babies born: 2



number of shopping trips: 2

number of smiles: a million :P

Asheville: Day 2

So on today's agenda for the Freakout was the Tail of the Dragon run.

I'm sure you are familiar with the Tail of the Dragon: it is near Robbinsville, NC. It has 316 curves in an 11 mile stretch.

It's strange, because my dad was the lead car. (I guess because he 'knows the area'). We had to drive for over an hour just to get to the Tail of the Dragon, which is actually closer to home than the convention. We were about 40 minutes from home. I kept seeing signs for Murphy (46 miles, 41 miles, 38 miles...) and I realllly wanted to go home. I actually got homesick.... and then on the Dragon, I got carsick.

The whole ride (the way there, the actual run, one breakdown, lunch, and the ride back) took almost 6 hours.

I got some very interesting tanlines (although they're actually not tan... it's burn), one from seatbelt. I have a very cool diagonal line across my chest. I really hope these awkward lines go away before florida.

they aren't in normal place, they are very obvious in my bathing suit, and they aren't consistent... as in, they don't match from one side of my body to the other. It's REALLY messing with me that it's not at least symmetrical.

Joe, I am NOT going to flirt with the fuddy duddies. Andd there is literally NOBODY that i've seen that's my age.

ANYWAY, we went into downtown Asheville for dinner. Asheville is a really cool city. I'd like to come back without my parents and actually get to check it out.

i have no idea what the plan is for tomorrow. maybe lay by the pool all day and try to get burned all over, so at least it's even. i would make geoff take me to the tennis court, but he was drafted to hand out cards or something for the poker run. :/

tomorrow night is the luau. 5 of the guys who helped put this event together are forced to wear coconut bras and grass skirts. my dad is one of them. i'm so proud.

that's all for now.

Asheville: Day 1

not muchh to do today.

We got to the hotel in asheville and there isn't really anybody here yet. (if you don't know, I am at a Fiat convention thing with my family. there shoud be just about 100 cars here tomorrow).

So, my mom and I went to the Asheville mall. Really lame. really. No Sephora. No Delias. No forever 21. No Charlotte Russe. They did have an Old Navy, where I got some shorts and a new purse. and they had a Barnes and Noble, which I had to completely skip over because Geoff wanted us to get back to the hotel.

I got a new bathing suit from Dillards. It's adorable.

But yeah, so far this trip has been a whole lot of nothing. but it's only the first day. all of the car events start tomorrow: the official beginning of FIAT FREAKOUT.
I have yet to freak out. I have yet to see anybody my age.

I have yet to eat a decent meal. Blech. I guess things can only get better, right? hahaha

nighttime.

I'm the only one awake in my house right now. we are leaving for Asheville in about 5 and a half hours.

My mind is literally like a complete blank right now. I don't think that has ever happened.

It's sad though, because I might be completely incommunicado for up to the next 10 days. I don't know how much time I'll have to keep the world updated on my vacay... and of course, by 'the world', I mean Joe and Krieg... maybe Bri? haha

Well, tomorrow begins FIAT FREAKOUT. I don't think I'm totally prepared for 5 days of small talk with old, Italian car-owning fuddy-duddies.
I doubt there will be anyone around my age. Oh well.

I guess I should get some sleep.

Panic! in the Zaxby's

I seriously had a mini panic attack/stress thing at work today.
I cried for over an hour.

I just kept thinking about how much time I was going to spend there in the next few days, and that I wouldn't have time to pack before freakout. And my mom texted me and asked if I could get off before 7 to go to a movie with her and Geoff. No, I couldn't.
And SB was supposed to come see me on my break, but then she couldn't.
I was soo stressed out and tired... I was so close to just walking out the door and saying to hell with it.
My break was just me bawling in the dining room (and the bathroom when it got really bad) and texting my mom and some other people who always make me feel better.

Well, I don't want to think about that anymore. I just want to push it from my mind.


In other news, I finished reading The Things They Carried. Now I actually have to write. Damn.
I wish I could just opt out of the essays and read another book. Whaddya say, Krieg? You can even pick a reallly big, difficult book. I won't complain :P

I'm leaving for Asheville the day after tomorrow.
Tomorrow is my last day at work before my vacation. Thank God.

Sorry...

I've been a blogging slacker.

Just... a lot of work, and really no time (or energy) to update... and it's kind of the same thing now but I feel bad about not keeping up my end of the deal, so here's a mini blog.

I went to SB's 4th party today. As far as a 4th party, it was VERY fun... as far as anything else, it was kind of a disappointment. You see, I keep building up all these expectations in my head, and then when it doesn't happen, I get all sad. It's totally lame.

But, alas, I will perservere. (persevere? perservere? purse-severe? preservatives? idk)

Wellll, I have 2 more days until vacay. 2 more days of double shifts. 2 more days of closing (probably alone). 2 more days of coming home smelling of chicken and dirty dishwater. 2 more days until I'm freeee.

trapped.

i started a post yesterday about how I was "in a funk" but I never got a chance to finish it.

that's ok, because today the funk is gone... but yesterday was still supremely awful

First there was the whole "I feel ugly today" thing. I just had one of those days where I didn't feel cute.
Then my dad came home and I helped him replace Geoff's ridiculously worn out brake pads. when were done, we took a ride in Fiona.
I got home and took a shower (I had been in the garage) but I got a text from Jacob: it was 7:20 and he was still in gainesville. :(
Well, I continued getting ready (my hair looked really good after that... too bad only my dad and Geoff got to see it)
And after I was totally ready, Jacob called. He was still in Gainesville, and didn't think we'd get to hang out. :(
Well of course that bummed me out, so I wanted to invite one of my friends over to get my mind off of it, but my dad said no.
WELL, I told Jacob that I got off work at 8 on Sunday, so maybe I would see him at the fireworks. This would be the absolute last chance to see each other before we both go on vacation. We are both leaving on Wednesday, and I'll be gone for 10 days, but he'll be gone for 2 and a half weeks. DAMN!
Come to find out a little later, that the fireworks show is on the 3rd this year (really? no fireworks because it's Sunday? that's just ridiculous. It's not like fireworks include a clusterfuck.)
Well, I asked for the 4th off. I'm working until CLOSE on the 3rd. Which means not only do I miss the fireworks for the 3rd year in a row because of fucking zaxbys, but I don't get to see Jacob before we leave.

I just absolutely burst into tears when I found out. I felt SO stupid. I asked for the 4th off without even checking which night the fireworks are. I feel like I'm being sucked into a black hole and I can't get out no matter what I try. (Zaxby's is the black hole, FYI)

And I know that the thing about Jacob doesn't sound like a really big deal... and I guess it's not.
It's just that this summer everything was supposed to kind of come together.
And it's not working.
And I feel stuck with that too.

I don't know what to do with myself anymore.
I guess all I can do is keep working and hope I don't work myself to death before vacation.
(I'm working approx 29 hours in the next 3 days.)

I watched Eclipse last night

do not judge me. :P

So... the movie was pretty much exactly what I expected. I'll repeat here what I said last night during our post-movie DQ run: The Twilight movies are getting better, but there are still SO MANY other movies I would rather watch.

but, of course, the night was still ridiculously fun. I made tons of innappropriate jokes throughout the movie, and I'm sure all the 8 year old girls around us didn't appreciate it. Hahaha!
"Mr.X" didn't end up going with us, so it was me, Stephanie, SB, Emma, and Kayla.

After the movie, we went to DQ, like we always do. I rode with Steph and SB and Kayla rode with Emma. We blasted music with the top down and it was that whole, life can't get much better right now moments. I LOVE my friends so much. Maybe it's just because I've been having withdrawls from them, but I can't believe how I automatically just have SO MUCH FUN when I'm with them. If I didn't have such amazing friends, I wouldn't mind having to work so much this summer, but I feel like I'm missing out on so much.

SB is going camping on top of Bell Mountain on Monday, but I'm working and can't go.
Jacob is getting a group to go see The Last Airbender on Friday, but I'm working... not that I really want to see that movie very much, but I still want to go and spend time with my friends :(
I don't need these hours at work... it's just my job, you know? I'm 17. Zaxby's should be secondary to the rest of my life. I hate that I've let it take over everything, but Patricia needs me. and as my mom says, I don't know how to say no.
I know that so few people can handle the drive thru and that they need an experienced cashier there (we've had a lot of turnover recently, and therefore a lot of INexperienced cashiers), so I keep making excuses, and hoping that on the next schedule I'll have more time off.

So here's the deal right now:
I had yesterday off, and I have today off.
I'm working 4-close tomorrow, and then double shifts every day until I leave: I'll be out of town for 10 days.
So basically, today is the last day I have to spend with anybody before a 15-day stretch where I will see NO friends.

I'm supposed to hang out with Jacob tonight... around 7 I think? I don't know what we're going to do yet... I told him I was up for anything, and that worries me. He's so insanely in shape, and I'm sooo not. I don't need to embarrass myself by trying to do something athletic. haha.

and what about everyone else? Joe? Grace? Jeff? Ashley? all those people that I haven't seen in soo long.
I wonder if they miss me too...

Oh! and I'm probably going to miss the fireworks on the 4th... for the 3rd consecutive year. because of work.