Motivation

I really really want to be one of those people who is motivated by letdowns.
Like if I make a bad grade on a paper, that it would make me try that much harder to prove that I CAN do it.

Unfortuantely, i am not wired that way.
As cocky as it sounds, there are just some things that I am not used to failing at, and when I do perform badly, i never EVER want to revisit that particular task. I want to give up, just turn my back on it, and focus on somehting that I CAN do.

So, some things that I'm bad at and that I gave up on:
- gymnastics
- college admissions essays
- Jacob's little hackysack rhythm game thing that he tried to teach me in BDA
- throwing a frisbee (although i eventually had an epiphany to try it with my left hand)
- running a long distance (or a short distance. haha.)
- probably a million other things that I can't think of right now.

So what does motivate me??
Competition, I know for sure.
Anything that I've tried really hard at, I can trace back to competiton.
I hate being second best, especially considering that i have been indoctrinated from a very young age that "Second place is just the first loser".
Seing that now, I am eerily reminded of the popular Ricky Bobby idea that "if ya ain't first, you're last" which is even identified as a twisted belief in the movie.

But what else?

What am I willing to work for?

I don't know.

I DO know that Christmas break can't come soon enough.
(honestly, that stems from my 'giving up' thing too; I'm not rocking school as much as i usually do so I want to stop... at least for a while)

GAHH!! WHAT DOES IT TAKE TO LIGHT A FIRE UNDER ME??

I wish I knew. It would make everything so much easier.
:/