Things have changed for me...

and that's ok! (Panic! At the Disco)

Anyway, I haven't been on here for soo long.
And I'm neglecting my faithful readers! (Ya know. Nobody)

So yeah, I looked back at some of my old posts, and everything is sooo different!
Looking back, a lot of my latest posts have been really kind of sad. I complained about not being able to be happy, and about being totally stressed, and all this other crap.

I'm here to say that that is definitely not the case anymore.

I'm definitely happy. For sure.

But that brings me to hwat I actually wanted to write about.
I have a friend (and I'm really not going to use names here) who has cut herself. She also has told me that being sad makes her feel alive.
That idea is just completely mind-bending to me.
Why would you not feel alive if you're happy?
Why would you not feel alive if you're angry?
How can you ever feel dead??
Obviously, you are alive. The sensation (wrong word, but close enough) of that should never ever change?
Should it?

Is feeling 'alive' relative?

I can't even wrap my head around this. Like how you would feel un-alive (?).

I guess I probably shouldn't be writing about it considering that I have NO IDEA what I'm talking about.

Oh well.

I'll just let this marinate for a while.

Peace!

Today supremely stunk

I love when people tell me that they love it when I'm not around.

That's definitely what I needed today.

Oh, and when I got home, I got on Delias to order the adorable trench coat that I've wanted for a couple weeks now, and it was on clearance for 35 dollars when it was originally 74 something and I was soo excited... and.
they don't have it in my size.

I seriously want to cry.

I have a lot to say

So let's get started.

So, this year... how to describe it?

So far... I have been overwhelmed and frustrated almost to the verge of tears.
I am exhausted everyday, but I feel like I'm not getting anything done.
And my patience has been shortened a lot. I find myself making more and more sarcastic/rude comments to or about people. i don't want to be seen as a bitch, but I have no patience for stupid people, and like right now: I know I shouldn't say that, and saying that I don't have patience for stupid people doesnt exactly refelct how I really feel, but I'm too tired to think of a better way to phrase that. Oh well. (PS, I really want to say that everyone can suck it. SEE? I know thats wrong. Why do I keep saying things like that? I don't want people to associate me with meanness. Being labeled like that makes me wanna cry.
I also dont want to be known as the smart girl. There is so much more to a person than that.
Like, Lisa did this thing on her facebook that is a picture, with a bunch of different things on it like "The person I always have fun with" "The sweetest person I know" "The person I can't live without" blahblahblah and you tag your friends on which one they apply to. I don't know if that makes sense or not.
Anyway, guess what I got.
Did you guess?
I got "The smartest person I know"
That really makes me want to cry. Like, am I not appreciated for anything else? Am I just the smart girl?


Also, my social life is suffering from being so tired from school and practice. Tonight's Friday night, but I don't want to go out. I want to relax for once.

HEY!! Super announcement.
This is what I've decided.
Sophomores are waayyy worse than freshmen.
Freshmen are still kinda scared and they know their place... if that makes sense.
Sophomores think that since they've been in high school for 1 year, that they have license to be jackasses.
YOU DON'T!!
SOPHOMORES ARE STILL UNDERCLASSMEN!!!

I have more to say, and I really dont want this to be all about how I'm always tired, but I guess thats enough for now.

There's more.... but it can wait.

I'm having trouble...

...expressing myself.

Like, I can't say whatever I want to say, which is partly why I havent written any new blogs any a while.

I just can't get my thoughts into words.

I'm thinking that if this persists, I'm gonna go Shakespeare on the world's ass and start making up words that apply to the events in my life.

Sked.

Ok, everybody, HERE IT IS!!

A Day:
1) US History- Denmon
2) Adv. Band- Rittenhouse
3) Business Data Apps- Parker (Bunches of friends in here. Yay! It's a lunch class!!)
4) Spanish II- Pesty-Wallace (I hope to finish this with a 102 also. haha. I love Spanish!!)

B Day:
1) Chemistry- Poole (Apparently, Donahue isn't teaching Chem. next year. :/)
2) Inter. Band- Rittenhouse (Learning to play tuba. Fo Shizzle. It's gonna be amazing)
3) Honors- Batch (Aggh!! Need to read more!!! :P)
4) Adv. Algebra & Trig- Payne

What do you have?

Is it Too Much To Ask

that ones of my best friends might actually want to spend time with me???!!!

(The following blog is kind of... explicit and has lots of inappropriate language. Joe, I would advise you not to read any farther... Actually, I'd feel better if nobody read any farther, because I'm really just ranting. REALLY ranting... you can read it if you want to.)
Further note: since writing this, I have calmed down A LOT and I went through and editted the parts of this that really embarrassed me, but I didn't want to just delete the whole blog, because I want to be able to look back on this one day after this is FAARRRR behind us.
Anyway, it is more appropriate now... but you can use your imagination.

Apparently, it is.

Ugh. I HATE feeling like I'm putting so much into a friendship and not seeing much of a return on it.

When the hell did a freaking girl who he's only known a few months become more important than the plans we have had since before they EVEN STARTED DATING??
I guess when she bought him and iPod and a cell phone and a ton of clothes and started *edit* him.
That must be the problem. I only provide, you know, fun and friendship and loyalty and all that other useless *edit*.
Maybe if I *edit edit edit* he would actually want to hang out with me once this summer.
That's not even the point.
He says he has plans FOR THE WHOLE WEEK OF HIS BIRTHDAY when he KNEW that we were supposed to hang out. I couldn't care LESS if he wants to spend his birthday with his girlfriend, but WHAT THE HELL? He can't save ONE DAY to spend with me?



I was going to bake that asshole a birthday cake.

Ok, I feel a little better after that rant.
Sorry.

In the middle of Summer!

I literally have nothing to write about... but I'm bored, so I'm gonna anyway.
This has potential to be the DUMBEST post EVER!!... except for the one that Joe made me write about him.

I got to lay out in the sun today... and yesterday.
Not that it's really doing anything, but it lets me kill a couple hours.

I'm sooooooooooo booooooooorrrrrrrreeeeeeeedddddddddddddd.
I miss Emma and Sara Beth and Geoff.
Emma and Sara Beth are both at camp and (duh) Geoff's in Europe.
He is going to Berlin tomorrow.

OK, I found something better to do.

See ay later, suckas!