Well, Here I Go

Andrea, this is for you.

I just read like 6 months worth of your blog posts, and I feel like I should reciprocate.

The last thing I wrote about was not doing my Calculus homework. Well I've been graduated for two months now. Ha, shit happens.

The lovely Andrea Claire Evans and I had a little chat about getting in shape after watching Harry Potter (which was an amazing movie), and I'm going to do it.

I joined this website called myfitnesspal.com, and in joining, it asked for my current and target weight. So I used in height-weight ratio thing and found out that I'm pretty damn close to what my target weight should be. So I felt like an impostor on that website.

Don't get me wrong, I am by NO MEANS in shape. I'm actually in terrible shape. I'm just not really overweight.

So, yes, I could still stand to go work out every once in a while.

Wanna know what I hate? I have cellulite on my thunder thighs. I bought a bunch of cute summer clothes yesterday, and I know people will be able to see it.

My massive legs are genetic (I think). My grandma has always been thin, but she has the same legs as me.

So, I guess what I'm trying to say is that the main place that I actually want to change the size of, is my legs. Everything else just needs some muscle tone.

So that's the goal. I already have a gym membership, so I'm going to try to wake up early enough to start going to some of Kathleen's classes. I've been to a step aerobics and a yoga/pilates class of hers, and I really really liked them both. They're just at the crack of dawn.

I am not a morning person. The fact that it is 1:25pm and I'm eating breakfast while I type this should illustrate that.

In other, non-weight loss news:

-My parents are out of town. They left this morning for Nashville for a giant car group thing that my dad is a part of. It's just me and my brother in the house until Sunday, and I work nights and he works days, so we probably won't see very much of each other.

- Sunday was my six month-aversary with Jeff. Longest relationship either of us has ever been in... Ok, only relationship I've ever been in, but whatever.

- Saturday I'm going to a concert that Jeff's brother's band is in at the Hard Rock in Atlanta. I just bought cool new stuff that I want to wear. I'll probably be overdressed, ESPECIALLY next to Jeff who doesn't own anything but jeans and t-shirts. Whatever. I'll look hot.

- My last day of work will be August 3rd. Then I move in to UGA a week later. Yikes! The real world is so close!

- Ummm.... I went shopping yesterday. I want to wear all of my clothes right now. But that would look silly.

MY GOAL: Go to the gym tomorrow.

distractions

so I could have worked on my calculus after school, before practice.... but it's pay day
-stephanie and i got our checks and went to cash them, then got dinner
I had some time to kill after we ate.... but I felt the need to spend $40 on make up and crap
-We went to CVS until time for practice
After practice, I had to bring Stephanie back to her car at Zaxby's.... we discovered a physics party
-I sat with the physics kids for about 30 mins and drove home
I could have done homework immediately when I got home.... there was apple crisp in the kitchen
-I ate apple crisp and watched the end of Law and Order: SVU
I could have done homework after that.... but my backpack is falling apart
-dad and I put it together with zip ties (yay for rednecking it up)
then I went to my room, presumably to start my Calc.... but I remembered the new makeup
-I used a little of everything, just to try it out
I should have started after that, but I wanted to check my Psych grade
-I pulled out my laptop and immediately got on Facebook

NOW IT IS ALMOST 10 O'CLOCK AND I HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED YET!

words to live by

"I get up every morning determined to both change the world and having one hell of a good time. Sometimes this makes planning my day difficult."
-E.B. White

energizer bunny

I just keep going and going and going and going and going....

I know that I asked for this work load. I know that I wanted this schedule. I know that I chose to be involved in these activities.

I didn't know that all the forces in the universe would work against me to keep me from getting anything done.

I didn't know that sleep wouldn't even be an option anymore.

I didn't know that I would have to cut off relationships with friends for a lack of time to see them.

I just want to relax.- nothing on my mind- for a little while.

hmph!

Who decided that 24 hours was enough in a day?
It's time for me to find a time machine and kick some Ancient-we-only-have-to-farm-so-24-hours-seems-like-plenty-of-time-for-us ASS! It's not enough! There is so much to do!

This is my brain right now:
homework.KEYCLUB.calculustest.MEETING.juniorboard.college.SAT.keyclubmeeting. physicsnotes.pyschology.schedule.bandpractice.keyclubmeeting.calculus.college.president.physics. homework.keyclub.early.schedule.study.test.sleep.calculus.physics?juniorboard.keyclub.SAT.band.

Yeah. almost exactly like that. I can't focus, and I can't prioritze.

I can't FUNCTION.

This evening's motto

"There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it"
-Mary Wilson Little

I AGREE, Mary Wilson Little.
So with that, I say GOODNIGHT WORLD!

I am a misshapen puzzle piece

I don't feel like I'm really fulfilling anything right now.

I'm... just average. I want to feel like I'm excelling in ALL of my classes. I want praise. I want to know that people like to be with me. I want to know that I'm great at my job. I guess maybe I just want recognition.

Because, right now, I just feel like I don't quite fit into any of my many roles this year. I'm participating. I'm keeping up. but i want to go above and beyond.

But I can't. being average has taken all of my time. All of my energy. Being average is holding me back. I do what I can, and I pass out on my bed just to wake up super early the next morning and strive to just do ok again. WHY CAN'T I JUST HAVE IT ALL?

Why don't I just have beautiful camera angles in Multimedia? Why don't I fully understand how to find logos? Why can't I remember everything we've covered about limits? Why don't I already know all that I can about vectors? Why haven't I already aced my 1st psych test? Why don't people always laugh at my jokes? why don't i always look pretty? Why am I using so many rhetorical questions??

It must stop. I need to sleep. but i ALWAYS need to sleep. I really need to read about vectors. maybe i'll do that.
but... as i type, i have to actuallly think about holding my eyes open.
That's not a good sign.

the art of timing

Timing. Or even just Time. Let's start with that.



It doesn't really exist does it? I mean, man just came up with time to measure days and then that was gradually broken down... and expanded. All due to that disk's trip from horizon to horizon.



So how is it possible that the logisitics of something that doesn't even exist have left me alone and pretty much screwed for all future realtionships?

TIMING.



And it all begins..... freshman year. Let's take a trip.

Freshman year. Band camp. I was scared, I was unattractive, I was under a lot of pressure, and I was in love.

Or, you know, so I thought.

I thought he was the cutest thing to walk this Earth. And smart and funny, and dedicated, and cute!

My crush peaked in Chicago, and slowly faded again into a being that lived in my brain and occassionally pushed all of my other thoughts out of my ears.

Sophomore year. I was clueless, but I thought I knew what I was capable of. The crush-creature hibernates.

LAST YEAR. After a series of events, the crush-monster in my brain re-awakens.

I remind myself of how cute, and smart, and blahblahblah he is. His... unconventional sense of humor makes him that much more desirable to me.

So far, it seems to be an issue of unrequited love (for lack of a better word) rather than timing, don't you think?

Ohhh no. We spend some time together. We go out to eat. We are inseparable in DC. We can actually be referred to as 'we'... but I still am absolutely in the dark about what HE thinks about ME, which really is a critical point.

Summer. We hang out a few times. He hides his feeling frustratingly well.

I give up on the (Lovegames. play a lovegame. do you want love? or you want fame?) confusion.

NOW. Is it just me, or is he interested now?



NOW that I've moved on.

NOW that I've killed the crush-monster.

NOW he flirts.

NOW he asks my plans for the weekend.









NOW I hate timing.

GO WATCH THIS!

Krieg, it should be in The Book of General Ignorance

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wFyY2mK8pxk

thanks mom

I get to see you about once a week.

I wasn't expecting to get to spend any time with you today, but SURPRISE I was called off work for my morning shift today. During my new-found spare time, you've been home for about 15 minutes so far. and now you're on the phone gossiping about your co-workers.

Thanks a lot.

:/

...

I really don't have anything in mind to talk about.
Really.
I feel like I need to write though.

I guess I could be doing this with my essay revision, but.... um no.

I really am just ready to get into the meat of my classes.
We had our first taste of the actual calculus curriculum today: Limits. LOVE IT! Limits are eeeasssyy. What else you got calculus?
And in Physics we're still going over basics so he can 'see where we are'.
Economics, we've done some vocab. and that's all.
Psychology: we won't be done with our 'foundations' unit until like, the first week of September.
English: well I guess we started out in the middle of everything with English, but I still feel like there's so much "this is what this class will be like" stuff. I just want to get there!!
Band is band. practice today was awful. I cried.
Multimedia: I THINK we are going to start working with the equipment tomorrow. I'd like to break into our groups, talk about ideas for videos. make a story board. something!

I feel.... restless, I guess that's the word for it. I want to get into everything! To learn new things. (In Psych, I've had to learn the definitions for independent and dependent variables, mean, median, and mode for the 5th or 6th time)

I guess. I'm just entirely unsatisfied with the state of my life right now.

It's raining and I'm sick

Today was not great. I literally never stop on A days. It's academic all day:
- calculus
- physics
- economics
- phsychology

And I somehow got a cold... in august. And I was supposed to go with my mom to buy a cute Vera Bradley bag for my laptop, but the place was closed. And I invited Stephanie to come too, but she already has plans with her stupid ass stalker :P.

So, of course, today just sucks. I'm sitting at home right now. waiting until I can leave for practice (in the rain), continually wiping my nose, sucking on a coughdrop, watching Made (which I don't even really like!)

I just want to go to sleep. But if I do, I'll wake up and have Calculus first thing in the morning.
So, I could say: I just want the weekend. But the weekend means double shifts at Zaxby's.
I KNOW there's a lot on my plate. I guess I just have to get used to this grueling schedule, and it's going to take me a while.
oh snap! do i have an essay revision due tomorrow too?!

Ugh. a day in the life.

I should do yoga

WARNING!!! Krieger, you should not read the following blog. DO NOT! This is not a drill.

Anyway, I should do yoga because I really feel like I wish I could center myself and focus. and isn't yoga supposed to help with that? I think so... but maybe not. If not, it would just give me a kickass yoga body, and that's cool too.

Why do I feel the need to focus? Well tomorrow is the first day of school and I have 3 paragraphs due tomorrow.
(Krieger, if you have ignored my warning and read this far, it's time to stop)

I haven't written anything yet. It's 1:30 in the afternoon, the day before the first day of senior year, and I haven't written the 1st sentence.
I just did some very fast time calculations, and I have time to do it, but I don't feel like I can focus.
I know this blog seems counterproductive. Like why am I doing this instead of breaking out my novels and notebook paper? because I want to get in a writing state of mind.
I opened my Pandora account and turned on the station that I call "Focus radio" it's classical, so it's not distracting, but it also blocks out the noise of my family in the house. I guess I'll turn off my cell phone, or hide it in another room, lock myself in here, log out of Facebook, and turn into a hermetic author until I have to leave for band practice. In an hour.
So here I go.

(Krieger, you better not have read this, missy)

Quote that Caught My Eye!

"What's the point of havin' a rapier wit if I can't use it to stab people?"
-Jeph Jacques

hahaha. That's really good. Like possible senior quote good.

that's all

busy busy busy

I have had literally NO free time this past week, and it's not looking good for the future.
(the near future. like the coming school year).

Band camp this past week and the freshmen drove me NUTS! We have 3 in the flute section, and they're nice enough, but they're IDK FRESHMEN!!
I managed to stay extremely nice and patient though the whole week, but by the last day I snapped at a girl once. (pretty good for me actually, considering I've been wanting to rip my hair out since day 2)
She kept talking to the tubas, and doing weird (trying to be) flirty crap (with TUBAS?) which was annoying enough in itself, but when she did it while I was trying to give her instruction it realllly got under my skin. I was in the middle of telling her something (i dont remember exactly what. it's not the point), and she said something to Jesse and I go "Kaila! Please don't flirt with the tubas when I'm trying to tell you something!" and she goes "Eww" like she is so disgusted by them. Whatever. If you were disgusted by them, you wouldn't be talking to them every chance you get.

So the next few days:
tomorrow: double shift at work
monday: English with Stephanie, then practice from 3:30-5:30
tuesday: pictures at 4, practice from 6-8
wednesday: SHOPPING
thursday: practice from 3:30-5:30 againg
friday: first day of school

AHHH shit. I hate being so busy. I can't WAIT until the end of football season.

Assurance

I'm still here. Don't be alarmed!

I haven't written anything in a very long time, and I apologize. I just got out of the habit of typing up a new blog every night while I was out of town, and I never really got back INTO the habit, which was critical.

But maybe now that my parents bought me A NEW LAPTOP (!!!!) I will be able to keep up with it more. YAY!

It's my first laptop.
It's amazing.
I love it. :D

Of course, I don't get, like, ANYTHING for my 18th birthday. This is my present, I just got it a couple months early, pretty much.

I was at work the day after I got it, and I was all excited, so I told a few of my co-workers, but immediately felt uncomfortable about it. I don't want to seem like a spoiled rich girl (because, trust me, I'm FAR from it), but I realized that it may seem like that to some of my esteemed chicken colleagues.
A lot of them are adults, and working in a fastfood restaurant trying to scrape by and pay their bills (I hear them talking about it quite a bit, and I don't think it will ever cease to upset me when I hear adults worry about money). So when I say "My parents bought me a laptop"... I just don't want anyone to get the wrong impression about what my life is really like.

I don't know what made me think of that.

ANYWAY! On a happier note, I might go to the RODEO on friday night. How fun would that be!? It's one of those things I love about a small town. Random rodeo? Sounds great! let's go. I told Stephanie that she was coming with me, but she didn't seem excited enough, and I was reallly disappointed. I don't know... I'm excited because I used to go wheen I was more heavily involved in the horse world and it's kind of spontaneous (i just saw one of those random signs that are everywhere and texted steph to tell her we're going) and it's something different.
It's not just another trip to Fieldstone to watch a movie. It's not another slumber party where we play Just Dance until the den is a good 30 degrees hotter than the rest of my house.

But whatever. If she decides not to go, Grayson might. And if he can't go... then I guess I'm just SOL.

OMG! I just realized that it's 3 in the morning. My alarm is set for, like, 10 because I actually wanted to get stuff done tomorrow. Haha, looks like that's not gonna happen.

GOODNIGHT!!

Breakdown of my Summer

Well summer is officially over, so I guess it's time to put this carefree feeling behind me and focus on ... schoolwork.

Here's how my summer went. In list form. Which instantly means logic. I learned that today.

number of fireflies caught: 1



number of days on the beach: 2



number of sunburns: 2



number of slumber parties: 7



number of times skinny-dipped: 1





number of hours inside zaxbys: COUNTLESS





number of parties attended: 4





number of pounds lost: 13





number of pounds gained back: 9



number of babies born: 2



number of shopping trips: 2

number of smiles: a million :P

Asheville: Day 2

So on today's agenda for the Freakout was the Tail of the Dragon run.

I'm sure you are familiar with the Tail of the Dragon: it is near Robbinsville, NC. It has 316 curves in an 11 mile stretch.

It's strange, because my dad was the lead car. (I guess because he 'knows the area'). We had to drive for over an hour just to get to the Tail of the Dragon, which is actually closer to home than the convention. We were about 40 minutes from home. I kept seeing signs for Murphy (46 miles, 41 miles, 38 miles...) and I realllly wanted to go home. I actually got homesick.... and then on the Dragon, I got carsick.

The whole ride (the way there, the actual run, one breakdown, lunch, and the ride back) took almost 6 hours.

I got some very interesting tanlines (although they're actually not tan... it's burn), one from seatbelt. I have a very cool diagonal line across my chest. I really hope these awkward lines go away before florida.

they aren't in normal place, they are very obvious in my bathing suit, and they aren't consistent... as in, they don't match from one side of my body to the other. It's REALLY messing with me that it's not at least symmetrical.

Joe, I am NOT going to flirt with the fuddy duddies. Andd there is literally NOBODY that i've seen that's my age.

ANYWAY, we went into downtown Asheville for dinner. Asheville is a really cool city. I'd like to come back without my parents and actually get to check it out.

i have no idea what the plan is for tomorrow. maybe lay by the pool all day and try to get burned all over, so at least it's even. i would make geoff take me to the tennis court, but he was drafted to hand out cards or something for the poker run. :/

tomorrow night is the luau. 5 of the guys who helped put this event together are forced to wear coconut bras and grass skirts. my dad is one of them. i'm so proud.

that's all for now.

Asheville: Day 1

not muchh to do today.

We got to the hotel in asheville and there isn't really anybody here yet. (if you don't know, I am at a Fiat convention thing with my family. there shoud be just about 100 cars here tomorrow).

So, my mom and I went to the Asheville mall. Really lame. really. No Sephora. No Delias. No forever 21. No Charlotte Russe. They did have an Old Navy, where I got some shorts and a new purse. and they had a Barnes and Noble, which I had to completely skip over because Geoff wanted us to get back to the hotel.

I got a new bathing suit from Dillards. It's adorable.

But yeah, so far this trip has been a whole lot of nothing. but it's only the first day. all of the car events start tomorrow: the official beginning of FIAT FREAKOUT.
I have yet to freak out. I have yet to see anybody my age.

I have yet to eat a decent meal. Blech. I guess things can only get better, right? hahaha

nighttime.

I'm the only one awake in my house right now. we are leaving for Asheville in about 5 and a half hours.

My mind is literally like a complete blank right now. I don't think that has ever happened.

It's sad though, because I might be completely incommunicado for up to the next 10 days. I don't know how much time I'll have to keep the world updated on my vacay... and of course, by 'the world', I mean Joe and Krieg... maybe Bri? haha

Well, tomorrow begins FIAT FREAKOUT. I don't think I'm totally prepared for 5 days of small talk with old, Italian car-owning fuddy-duddies.
I doubt there will be anyone around my age. Oh well.

I guess I should get some sleep.