Well, Here I Go

Andrea, this is for you.

I just read like 6 months worth of your blog posts, and I feel like I should reciprocate.

The last thing I wrote about was not doing my Calculus homework. Well I've been graduated for two months now. Ha, shit happens.

The lovely Andrea Claire Evans and I had a little chat about getting in shape after watching Harry Potter (which was an amazing movie), and I'm going to do it.

I joined this website called myfitnesspal.com, and in joining, it asked for my current and target weight. So I used in height-weight ratio thing and found out that I'm pretty damn close to what my target weight should be. So I felt like an impostor on that website.

Don't get me wrong, I am by NO MEANS in shape. I'm actually in terrible shape. I'm just not really overweight.

So, yes, I could still stand to go work out every once in a while.

Wanna know what I hate? I have cellulite on my thunder thighs. I bought a bunch of cute summer clothes yesterday, and I know people will be able to see it.

My massive legs are genetic (I think). My grandma has always been thin, but she has the same legs as me.

So, I guess what I'm trying to say is that the main place that I actually want to change the size of, is my legs. Everything else just needs some muscle tone.

So that's the goal. I already have a gym membership, so I'm going to try to wake up early enough to start going to some of Kathleen's classes. I've been to a step aerobics and a yoga/pilates class of hers, and I really really liked them both. They're just at the crack of dawn.

I am not a morning person. The fact that it is 1:25pm and I'm eating breakfast while I type this should illustrate that.

In other, non-weight loss news:

-My parents are out of town. They left this morning for Nashville for a giant car group thing that my dad is a part of. It's just me and my brother in the house until Sunday, and I work nights and he works days, so we probably won't see very much of each other.

- Sunday was my six month-aversary with Jeff. Longest relationship either of us has ever been in... Ok, only relationship I've ever been in, but whatever.

- Saturday I'm going to a concert that Jeff's brother's band is in at the Hard Rock in Atlanta. I just bought cool new stuff that I want to wear. I'll probably be overdressed, ESPECIALLY next to Jeff who doesn't own anything but jeans and t-shirts. Whatever. I'll look hot.

- My last day of work will be August 3rd. Then I move in to UGA a week later. Yikes! The real world is so close!

- Ummm.... I went shopping yesterday. I want to wear all of my clothes right now. But that would look silly.

MY GOAL: Go to the gym tomorrow.

distractions

so I could have worked on my calculus after school, before practice.... but it's pay day
-stephanie and i got our checks and went to cash them, then got dinner
I had some time to kill after we ate.... but I felt the need to spend $40 on make up and crap
-We went to CVS until time for practice
After practice, I had to bring Stephanie back to her car at Zaxby's.... we discovered a physics party
-I sat with the physics kids for about 30 mins and drove home
I could have done homework immediately when I got home.... there was apple crisp in the kitchen
-I ate apple crisp and watched the end of Law and Order: SVU
I could have done homework after that.... but my backpack is falling apart
-dad and I put it together with zip ties (yay for rednecking it up)
then I went to my room, presumably to start my Calc.... but I remembered the new makeup
-I used a little of everything, just to try it out
I should have started after that, but I wanted to check my Psych grade
-I pulled out my laptop and immediately got on Facebook

NOW IT IS ALMOST 10 O'CLOCK AND I HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED YET!

words to live by

"I get up every morning determined to both change the world and having one hell of a good time. Sometimes this makes planning my day difficult."
-E.B. White

energizer bunny

I just keep going and going and going and going and going....

I know that I asked for this work load. I know that I wanted this schedule. I know that I chose to be involved in these activities.

I didn't know that all the forces in the universe would work against me to keep me from getting anything done.

I didn't know that sleep wouldn't even be an option anymore.

I didn't know that I would have to cut off relationships with friends for a lack of time to see them.

I just want to relax.- nothing on my mind- for a little while.

hmph!

Who decided that 24 hours was enough in a day?
It's time for me to find a time machine and kick some Ancient-we-only-have-to-farm-so-24-hours-seems-like-plenty-of-time-for-us ASS! It's not enough! There is so much to do!

This is my brain right now:
homework.KEYCLUB.calculustest.MEETING.juniorboard.college.SAT.keyclubmeeting. physicsnotes.pyschology.schedule.bandpractice.keyclubmeeting.calculus.college.president.physics. homework.keyclub.early.schedule.study.test.sleep.calculus.physics?juniorboard.keyclub.SAT.band.

Yeah. almost exactly like that. I can't focus, and I can't prioritze.

I can't FUNCTION.

This evening's motto

"There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it"
-Mary Wilson Little

I AGREE, Mary Wilson Little.
So with that, I say GOODNIGHT WORLD!

I am a misshapen puzzle piece

I don't feel like I'm really fulfilling anything right now.

I'm... just average. I want to feel like I'm excelling in ALL of my classes. I want praise. I want to know that people like to be with me. I want to know that I'm great at my job. I guess maybe I just want recognition.

Because, right now, I just feel like I don't quite fit into any of my many roles this year. I'm participating. I'm keeping up. but i want to go above and beyond.

But I can't. being average has taken all of my time. All of my energy. Being average is holding me back. I do what I can, and I pass out on my bed just to wake up super early the next morning and strive to just do ok again. WHY CAN'T I JUST HAVE IT ALL?

Why don't I just have beautiful camera angles in Multimedia? Why don't I fully understand how to find logos? Why can't I remember everything we've covered about limits? Why don't I already know all that I can about vectors? Why haven't I already aced my 1st psych test? Why don't people always laugh at my jokes? why don't i always look pretty? Why am I using so many rhetorical questions??

It must stop. I need to sleep. but i ALWAYS need to sleep. I really need to read about vectors. maybe i'll do that.
but... as i type, i have to actuallly think about holding my eyes open.
That's not a good sign.